Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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