he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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