she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
