Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
