I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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