I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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