after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
