Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
