mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
