Quick, to the slutcave!
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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