Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Randomize