I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
