i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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