your thong is hanging out like whoa
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize