yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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