He is an equal opportunity slut.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
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My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
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You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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