i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
You left your phone here
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