I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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