everyone is single if you try hard enough
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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