Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize