i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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