I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
grandma shit on top of the toilet
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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