how can u be prego again
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
