If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
they're like a gay fantastic four
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
