my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
