what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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