how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
