I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Text me some of your sweat
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
