Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
When are your genitals available?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
