i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
