Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
