Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
