I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
