I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
