just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I'm always down for nudity.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
