between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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