you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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