I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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