I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
