the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
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The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
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So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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