i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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