I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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