So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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