so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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