You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
