OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
