nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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