I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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