I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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