he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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