He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
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