At least make sure they are 18
Why
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
