i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
People with herpes should wear stickers.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
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