Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
It's never too late to be topless.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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