Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
