I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
She needs sedatives and a leash
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
