I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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