There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
What did we do last night that was yellow?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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