dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
