You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
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