Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i barfeds in our rink
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you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
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So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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