I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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